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Speed bumps

How many of us hate speed bumps?

I’m a much safer driver than I used to be, but I still like to race across a parking lot if I know there is no one in my way and barrel into that great spot right up front. My kids used to chant “parking karma, parking karma” as we’d approach and beat out all of the other cautious drivers.

My vehicle wasn’t really very happy with me though when I’d inadvertently hit a speed bump. My Hyundai Tucson with 75,000 miles on it complains like a geriatric with advanced arthritis when it is stopped short by those annoying concrete half-tubes designed to ensure the safety of the pedestrians in the area. I don’t like them.

They could damage my vehicle of advanced age (like denting my grill on an old lady is any better!) They are there to warn us. They are there to let us know that the possibility of collision may occur. They are there to slow us down.

I have a dog I not-so-affectionately refer to as Speed Bump. He is continually in my way. When he lays down, it is always in the doorway between me and my goal. He doesn’t move. I have to stop, step over him, and pray that he doesn’t freak out and jump up, causing me to hop, skip and fall, trying to avoid him.

When I’m cooking, he is one step behind me, hoping I’ll drop something he can snatch up off of the floor. You can tell he’s starving to death and needs every morsel he can get. (By the way, his other nickname is Fatty McGee.)

I have a friend that I absolutely adore, but her speedometer and mine are set at very different speeds. Mine is 150 miles an hour. I want everything done, and I want it done yesterday. Hers is set at a more comfortable pace. She will get things done, but in her own time, with her own agenda.

As much as I love her, I want to put my hands in the small of her back and push her to go faster. Her life unfolds in God’s time, and she will not be pushed. I tend to stress myself physically, mentally and emotionally ... and spiritually.

God calls us to be still at times. He wants us to love and appreciate all that He has blessed us with, but how do you do that when there is a stack of laundry that is growing legs and transporting itself to the laundry room? What can I do about the mountain of dishes that could become a science experiment, vacuuming that could produce enough hair to spawn another pet, homework to help with and dusting (Did I say dusting? I haven’t dusted my own house in years, as evidenced by the ‘dust rhinos’ under my furniture and my hairy ceiling fans!)

With that whole Proverbs 31 thing hanging over my head, it’s amazing I find the time to bathe daily and not become a candidate for the psych ward.

My ‘slow’ friends ensure that I do sit still at times. As frustrated as I get, I secretly thank them for making me take the ‘warp’ out of my speed so I can appreciate those things around me. They allow me to view my environment, smell the roses and take the time to ponder life and its many blessings.

I will continue to be annoyed, but I am coming to terms with the fact that this whole process is biblical. I will add speed bump to my list of things I have to love about people (and fat canines) in a biblical context. God put them here for a reason. I just hope I don’t hurt them when I trip over them! So the next time you find yourself stuck in traffic because of a slow driver, use that time to pray, and thank God for slowing you down.

Lori Boekeloo of Hennepin is a mother of three. She can be reached at, or friend her on Facebook for more humor and inspiration on a daily basis.

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