'We are HER'

GRANVILLE — Healed, empowered, restored — these adjectives represent how Stevie Croisant hopes survivors of abuse and assault feel after reading the stories of others and sharing their own in the safe and anonymous online community she's recently created.

A 2010 graduate of Putnam County High School (PCHS) and former resident of Hennepin, Croisant was inspired to create "We are HER" after ending a physically, emotionally and financially abusive relationship of her own.

Croisant, who lives in Montana now, said, "I found the only way I could heal was to share my story. I was often asked, 'Why did you stay for so long?' or "How could you let that happen to you?' but the truth is abuse knows no boundaries, and it can happen to anyone."

Knowing it would be difficult to share deeply personal stories, Croisant began asking those she knew to write of their abusive relationships. Friends also gave assistance with the many other aspects involved in creating an online community.

She also credits one of her teachers at PCHS for providing her with confidence.

"Carmela Rodriguez did wonders for helping me to grow as a writer. She was supportive and pushed me to challenge myself. I switched from pre-med to English in college and don’t regret it. I believe everything happens for a reason, and without my background in English, I don’t know that 'HER' would have taken off. Many of my writers are hesitant to share their story simply because they aren’t comfortable writing. Having professional editing and writing experience alleviates that problem."

The quick growth of the "We are HER" community has mostly been a grassroots effort, and while happy for the success, there's also a bittersweet side to the achievement.

"It breaks my heart because I’ve gained contributors from word-of-mouth, meaning some of these writers are women I know. We all know more women than we realize who have been victims of some kind of abuse, and that’s why 'HER 'is gaining momentum. Women before were told to be embarrassed and ashamed by the abuse they endured. Today, women are standing up for one another, and I love that support."

Identifying patterns

As the amount of stories grows, Croisant has seen some common threads in the stories and the interactions between the authors and readers.

"Most of the stories have a lot of the same elements," she said. "The abuser was quite charming at first and did everything right. In many stories you also notice how the female was new to town and didn’t have a lot of friends. There are patterns, and our contributors are proving that. It’s sad to see them, but noticing those patterns is important."

The writers have benefited from the catharsis of sharing their story, and those stories have also provided a way for assault victims to know they're not alone in their experience.

"It’s helpful for the survivors of campus assault to be connected with others. There are feelings around assault that a survivor of domestic violence doesn’t necessarily share. 'HER' has been able to connect these women and facilitate interactions and connections. I think they're able to find strength in numbers that way," Croisant said.

She added she's been told by her authors that "We are HER" is the one space where they aren’t judged — no doctors, parents or a critical best friends who blame them for staying in an abusive relationship.

"They’re able to get out all the details they want and know other survivors are out there supporting them," Croisant said.

Unexpected interest

While the website has proven helpful to many women, Croisant said there's been an additional and unintended effect she's pleased with — an interest from men.

"Men have become interested in what the contributors have to say. Several men reached out asking, 'How do I help?” or 'What do I say to a female friend who has gone through abuse?' It's been great seeing men wanting to get involved and start a dialogue about abuse and assault. That’s huge, and they can do so much to influence their peers," Croisant said.

Since abuse can strike all demographics, she advocates communities continuing to support those in need, and there are always ways to help make a meaningful difference.

She said, "Abuse knows no bounds. Small-town girl, immigrant, working professional — women of all walks of life are writing and following 'HER.' If you want to make a difference, spread the word about organizations like 'HER' and the Freedom House in Princeton, or donate your time or money."

When Croisant isn't busy with "We are HER" or her work with the magazine Outside Bozeman, she also works with HAVEN (Helping Abuse and Violence End Now), the non-profit organization which provides shelter, education, advocacy and counselling for victims of domestic and sexual abuse. She does community outreach and education with HAVEN and credits her work there in helping her create her own community.

While "We are HER" is still growing, it's already made an impact.

"I was really humbled when one writer told me she had moved to a new city after her assault and didn’t need a therapist in her new city because 'HER' had helped lift a weight off her shoulders when she was able to share her story," Croisant said.

She said many of 'HER's' readers become authors on the site. and she thinks stories of abuse in the world are more common than what would be expected.

"Many feel compelled to share their story once they start reading because it helps validate their feelings and know they're not alone in their suffering. It’s a beautiful process to witness women come full circle with the help of 'HER,'" she said.

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